You’re often called on to be a leader in real time, and it doesn’t always involve a title. It’s about how you pour into yourself so you have the reserves to invest in others.
Whether you’re leading a company or a team, or just trying to make sure your family gets to soccer practice on time, mastering leadership starts with a few core principles that involve, of all things, governing yourself.
If you’ve ever been on a flight, you know that the attendant says, “Please put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others…” The same holds true with leadership and self-care.
In my recent Positively Altered Podcast episode, Heather Younger, founder of Employee Fanatics and author of The Art of Self-Leadership, presented four simple actionable strategies that anyone can use to lead with self-care and intentionality. Let’s dive in!
1. Self-Leadership: It All Starts Within
Great leadership begins within. If you can’t lead yourself, how can you expect to guide others? Heather describes self-leadership as the art of pouring into yourself so you can show up for others. Think of it like your smartphone’s battery—you can’t expect to make calls all day if you don’t take the time to charge it overnight.
Practical tip: Start with the basics. Hydration, sleep, and time to recharge are nonnegotiable. It’s the smaller, personal-care habits that set the tone for bigger leadership moves. So, next time you’re tempted to burn the midnight oil, ask yourself: Am I leading myself well enough to lead others tomorrow?
2. Active Listening Versus Parroting
We’ve all been on the receiving end of someone who “listens” by repeating exactly what we’ve said, word for word. It’s frustrating, right? Heather makes a strong case for ditching this outdated practice in favor of true active listening—paraphrasing with empathy and tuning into what’s not being said. Think less “robotic echo” and more “empathetic Jedi.”
Example: If someone tells you, “I’m overwhelmed with deadlines,” don’t just echo back, “You’re overwhelmed with deadlines.” Instead, try, “Wow, that sounds like a lot. What can I do to help lighten the load?” Boom. Trust built. This small shift shows that you hear not just the words but the feelings behind them. It’s a game-changer for building trust—whether with coworkers, clients, or even your kids.
3. Caring Leadership Defined: Yes, It’s Possible to Care and Hold People Accountable
The phrase “caring leadership” might sound like a contradiction to some. How can you show empathy without letting standards slide? Heather clears up this misconception, explaining that holding people accountable is actually a form of care. Setting clear expectations and giving constructive feedback ensures that people know where they stand and how they can succeed.
A brilliant analogy: Think of leadership like parenting. Just as kids need consequences tailored to what motivates them, employees thrive when leaders understand their unique needs and provide consistent feedback. It’s not about micromanaging; it’s about showing you’re invested in their growth.
Pro tip: Skip the awkward annual review and give feedback in real time. Schedule regular one-on-one check-ins to keep communication open and expectations crystal clear. Also, be willing to catch people in the act of doing something great. When you notice behaviors in the moment, the recognition has a greater impact. Conversely, when you make corrections when they happen, they’re less dramatic and angst-inducing than making them an agenda item in an evaluation.
4. Building Trust and Accountability: Leadership in Personal Life
The principles of self-leadership and empathy extend beyond the workplace. Heather discusses how she applies these insights to her family life and relationships, acknowledging her ongoing journey to improve. Trust develops through consistent actions, such as acknowledging contributions and maintaining transparency. Accountability and clear expectations are key to caring leadership, providing people with clarity and empowerment.
Heather emphasizes that staying curious about others’ perspectives can transform conversations. Instead of rushing to “win” an argument or prove a point, she advises taking a step back and seeking to understand.
This mindset applies everywhere—in the boardroom, at home, or even in heated debates over what to binge-watch next on Netflix.
Try this: Next time you’re in a disagreement, swap “I’m right” with “Help me understand where you’re coming from.” Not only will it make you a better leader, but it might just save you from watching another season of that show you secretly hate.
Leadership Is a Practice, Not Perfection
Heather’s insights remind us that leadership isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being intentional. By leading yourself well, listening actively, caring deeply, and staying curious, you can build stronger connections and make a bigger impact.
Whether you’re managing a team of 500, negotiating bedtime with a toddler, or both, these four strategies are the building blocks of effective, human-centered leadership. So grab a glass of water, listen with empathy, and show up for those around you—one caring act at a time.
Be positively altered,
Dr. Cindy M. Howard
P.S. Ready for more wisdom with my guest Heather Younger? Tune in to my Positively Altered podcast. Don’t miss this inspiring episode packed with actionable insights to elevate your leadership game with your colleagues at work and loved ones at home.